Five Years of Lessons as a Soldier's Mom

My last blog post for PBS Point of View: Regarding War is up... I share some of the lessons I have learned as Some Soldier's Mom:

This month marks five years that I have blogged about the experience of being a soldier's mom. It has been five years since I stood at Fort Benning and tearfully (later hysterically) said farewell to my youngest son and his Army brothers ("my guys") as they left for Iraq. These five years have been a wild and horrific — and wonderful — ride. Today I share the most intense of the lessons I have learned.

1. Life really is frail. [snip]

2. There really are no words to comfort the mother or father or spouse or siblings of a soldier who has died.  [snip]

Read them all  at Conversations: Coming Home and add yours in the comments!

Vigilance: The Good Kind

Over at PBS - Point of View, I blog about the necessity of being vigilant in protecting the warrior legacy:

It is important for all of us — citizens who truly support the troops and who honor our veterans — to become active and remain engaged in protecting the warrior legacy. As we head into a new year, I implore everyone in the military, veterans, their families and the general public to learn about proposed and pending legislation and to be energetic in communicating their opinions to their Senators and Representatives. This is important not just at the federal level, but at the state levels as well. 

As state and federal legislators look to reduce spending or find funding for pet (read: pork) projects, military and veterans programs will be looked at as likely sources for cuts, because of their relative size to other budget commitments. Our watchfulness will be vitally important to the roughly 1.4 million personnel on active duty, the additional 900,000 members of the Reserve and National Guard and the 23.2 million military veterans in the United States.

Please go over and read all of it and bookmark some of the links to military and veterans organizations -- and to your legislators -- that are provided.

You should also take the time to read the contributions by the other bloggers at the PBS/Conversations - On Coming Home blog... and leave your comments!

The Bonds That Tie

Over at PBS.org I have written a post about the meaningful bonds that are forged during military service... among soldiers... among wives... among parents...

Throughout the course of our lifetimes, we make and break bonds with people. Some bonds are formed in friendship: schoolmates, neighbors, fellow workers. I have close friends from each of those groups. I maintain, however, that the bonds forged in military service are perhaps the strongest of all bonds. Stronger than steel. Stronger than adversity. Stronger than time.

We all know the story of veterans sittin' around and one says, "No shit!! There I was..." followed by a story of improbability or hilarity, typically punctuated with profanity, irreverent phrases and sordid images. It will end with much backslapping and hearty handshakes. The circle might contain members of a single unit or a single war, or it might contain an assortment of veterans from many of this nation's conflicts. But they are bonded and tied to each other by the commonality of their service. Some are bonded by the mettle and the blood of battle. You need look no further than the Illiad or the St. Crispen's Day speech from Shakespeare's Henry V for evidence of the emotional connection these men share.

[snip]

Some of my closest friends today are people I didn't know before my son deployed. We met via military blogs (including my own) and private online Internet forums established by parents of soldiers — one by a Third Infantry Division parent, another established by military moms for military moms. These were places to share information, to share worry, to celebrate good news and to commiserate when the news was bad. These were places that let us share this bond, hammered and shaped by our worry for our sons and daughters.

These relationships are equal parts ethereal and practical; as much emotional as they are physical. It involves both the spiritual and the material worlds — prayers and novena candles as well as care packages and cookie recipes. It is an inclusive sisterhood for which we did not volunteer, but in which we are now forever members.

You can read it all at PBS/POV: Conversations on Coming Home

The Tradition of THE TREE

I am telling the story of the tradition of some Christmas Trees with a very powerful message... over at PBS/Point of View - Regarding War.

In December 1966, a helicopter sat on the deck of an aircraft carrier off the coast of Vietnam with its crew of five on "stand by." These stand-by assignments were really "sit stills" — you had to be in the chopper and ready to fly a CAP (combat air patrol) at a moment's notice. Many times it was eight hours of sitting and waiting, and not flying.

The pilot of the helicopter was a 24-year old lieutenant fresh from the farm fields of Illinois via flight school in Pensacola. His crewmates, some younger, but none much older, sat and stared out at the pitch black trying to make out the shape of the Navy fueler that had pulled alongside earlier in the day, but which now melted into the blackness of the ocean at night. Occasionally, one of the crew would flip on a red-lensed flashlight to check the time. There was little radio traffic through the headsets and all conversations were conducted at a whisper given the EMCOM (emergency communications only) status — the wind rushing by the open side panel of the chopper the most persistent sound.

About midnight, a lone sailor approached and slid an armful of packages and letters across the floor. "Mail call," he whispered, turned and departed. Under the red glow of a flashlight, the parcels were divvied up to their recipients; the largest of the parcels was passed along to the pilot.

I hope you will stop by and read (it is a true story!!)

PTSD: A Different Perspective, Part II (A Parent's View)

I have the second part of my perspective (a PARENT'S perspective) up over at PBS: Regarding War/Conversations:

My blog, Some Soldier's Mom, followed my son through his deployment, his wounding, his evacuation and our journey to Germany, his return home, the memorial services and funerals attended for many of his friends, his efforts to handle his post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) himself and his subsequent acceptance of formal care for his invisible wounds. We — his parents, family and friends — were drawn into this nightmare by our love for our soldier; we have spent countless hours researching, learning, supporting and advocating.

Through all of this, we have tracked his progress — both the steps forward and the steps back. I have ranted, raved, blogged and asked the obvious questions about diagnosis, treatment and the stigma of PTSD. I have blogged many times about the changes in our son.

For those that truly have PTSD — that is, when the symptoms of post-traumatic stress (PTS) have become chronic — it is the bogeyman behind every door, hiding in every shadow; it is the invisible monster that has stolen the smiles and maybe even a part of these soldiers' souls. These young men and women fight every day trying to get that stolen piece back and to keep from losing more. It can be incredibly tough for those veterans and hard for their families.

The blog post contains some places to start if you are looking for information regarding PTSD in your loved one...

PTSD: A Different Perspective (Part I)

PTSD looks to be the diagnosis of the decade. Seems everyone has it, or wants to claim it. In the 80s the diagnosis was ADHD... In the 90s, was it narcissism? And now, PTSD: apparently you can get it soon after watching a movie, or years after some bad act. It's all the rage in the news, and a convenient excuse for bad behavior. Even if someone has never personally experienced the trauma, it seems like they only have to hear about someone else's trauma, and POOF — they have PTSD! Worse still are those who point to combat stress as proof that service members are the victims of some nefarious plot. If you believe the media and some politicians, every bad act by someone who happens to be a veteran is the result of some neglect or refusal to identify and treat this condition.

Read the rest of my PTSD: A Different Perspective (Part I) at PBS/Point of View/Conversations

PBS/Point of View: Regarding War

Our son has been home from war four years and medically discharged for two. His reintegration has not been without its roadblocks and setbacks but, for the most part, like a significant majority of veterans, his life has moved forward — not always in ways he imagined, but forward nonetheless.

No surprise in the lessons we have learned: the people who have helped him the most in his continuing journey have been his family, friends and the veterans' community — especially "The Bridge Builders," described by poet Will Allen Dromgoole as those who cross the chasm and stay to build a bridge for those that come behind.

New posts are up at PBS/Regarding War... including a Vietnam Vet's take on his PTSD... I could use some comments LOL everyone else wants to give "attaboys" to the huffington post people blogging there... so chime in if you feel the urge

http://www.pbs.org/pov/regardingwar/conversations/

Veterans' Day 2009

I want to salute the veterans in my family...

My Dad L. (Army), my husband J. (Navy), my sister P. (Marines), son E. (Navy) and son N. (Army).

And saluting those still serving...

Son J. (Navy) and nephew Steve (Air Force).

From the oldest to the youngest, they have served in WWII, Vietnam, Operation Iraqi Freedom and Operation Enduring Freedom.

Thank you all. You do us proud.

Watch "The Way We Get By" on PBS Tonight

Today is Veterans Day, the one day out of the year that is specifically designated as a time to honor those who serve our country. But Bill Knight, Jerry Mundy, Joan Gaudet and the rest of the Maine Troop Greeters honor veterans and military members throughout the year by greeting them at a tiny airport in Bangor, Maine. In fact, they've greeted over 900,000 soldiers to date! These senior citizens have take it upon themselves to greet every troop plane arriving or departing Bangor, which is the last and first piece of U.S. soil many GIs will see before and after their deployments.

The Way We Get By, which tells the stories of Bill, Jerry and Joan, airs tonight on PBS at 9 PM (Check your local listings).

In connection with the premier of "The Way We Get By", PBS online has relaunched its "POV - Regarding War" site and I will be contributing my thoughts and responding to readers' comments for the next next few months. The site's relaunch is an effort to bring a wider audience to the experience of military service -- especially on Coming Home -- as seen from the Point of View of a Vietnam War veteran, an Iraq War veteran, a military spouse, and a mom.

I hope you will tune in and see "The Way We Get By" and stop by the POV site and read and comment on the conversations there. People not only will have the opportunity to comment on the contributions on the "Conversations" area, but to share their own stories, as well.