The Death of Osama/Usama bin Laden: A Personal Reflection of My Journey from There to Here.

The death of bin Laden earlier this week brought a sense of elation that surprised me. I suppose it was catching the enthusiasm in the voice of the youngest son -- the one wounded in Iraq -- who called with the news: "The motherfucker is dead! They got him!!" Surprisingly, the list of who the "motherfucker" might be was short. After dismissing the one U.S. citizen on my list, I knew it was the mass murderer bin Laden. (BZ ST6!!)

I recall to this day the thunderbolt that hit me the moment I -- as well as all the world -- realized our country was under attack. I suppose only a few did not immediately suspect it was Islamic terrorists; after all, the United States and all Western interests had been under attack by these nut cases for decades (DECADES, people!)  When I responded to an email from a high school friend that morning from my Manhattan office, "The world as we know it has changed forever", I could not have imagined how the events of that September morning 10 years ago would so intimately affect me and the members of my family. 

Of course, there were the immediate impacts on our daily lives: the seemingly endless stream of funerals and memorials in our close knit suburban New York community for those who were murdered that day; the barrage of news reports; the sensory assault of the flames, smoke and ash from the World Trade Centers that continued for months on my daily commute; the ghastly, haunting visit the entire family made to Ground Zero just weeks after 9/11 -- at the insistence of our eldest son home on leave from his overseas posting with the Navy who declared that he must be a witness for his fellow sailors.

The more lasting impacts of that day: the insidiousness of increased security at transportation hubs and the continuing invasion of privacy; the too politically correct environment foisted on us by the very monsters who shield the class of persons committing these grave acts of  violence under the guise of "tolerance" and the suddenly-abhorrent practice of profiling;  the media's incessant drone of "too much" and "too little" or "too soon" and "too late"; politicians' looking to blame someone for something or everything syndrome and their annoying whining; the plague that is the media and politicians that makes intelligent people mistrust and disbelieve the spin and any words that emanate from our so-called representatives and those cupcake news anchors of the world; not to mention how we have come to stare with more bewilderment than bemusement at the holier-and-smarter-than-you COMEDIANS and ACTORS who don't get.it, have never got.it and never will. 

Most importantly for those who do GET.IT is the nagging crick in the back of our brains that pricks at us often: when and where will the next attack come?  It's not a matter of IF. It is only matters of time and place.

I have said often that the events of 9/11 were one of the reasons we retired when we did. Both DH and I had good careers and we could have worked for many more years. The events of 9/11 three years earlier, the grind of a long daily commute and the seemingly endless security status changes, together with changes at our work places, caused us to look again at our priorities. And at the back of our minds was the knowledge that our youngest son WAS deploying to either Iraq or Afghanistan in the [then] near future.. We simply decided one day to "get where we are going".

bin Laden's attack on the U.S. also sealed our youngest son's commitment to military service. Having two brothers and a parent with military service (all Navy), Noah had already indicated his interest in enlisting; 9/11 gave him a laser focus on it and no admonition to consider all his options -- college, ROTC, military academies -- swayed him. He likes to tell people that we were opposed to his Army enlistment, but nothing could be further from the truth.

His unit's deployment was inevitable and we prepared for it like most other parents of children in the military: with trepidation and constant reminders to remain upbeat and to not focus on the dark side (yes, young Luke, there really is a dark side...)  We may have been more familiar with the military, but we were as apprehensive and as worried as any other parents... although our son's willingness to keep us in the loop (sometimes to complete distraction) was apparently not the norm for most parents. That said, however prepared we might have been to the idea of deployment, I can say unequivocally that it was no easier on me than on other moms and, because of his two tours in Vietnam as a Navy pilot, was probably harder on Dad. 

The idea of blogging my experience of having a child at war didn't dawn on me until weeks before the deployment as I began searching for information on what my son would need, want, experience, what services available and maintaining contact with him and his unit. It became clear in those early days of the Iraq war that the perspective of a parent -- especially of a mother -- was lacking. After a young sergeant in Noah's unit told me that information to parents was really an after thought because, after all, I was just some soldier's mother got me thinking about writing the stories not yet told.

I blogged regularly through Noah and his friends' ("my Guys") deployment; the send off; the waiting; the many deaths in his unit; our son's wounding; the deaths and funerals of some of his closest friends; on most of Noah's recovery (when he would let me say), his marriage, divorce, and the birth of his son, young Tom Terrific. I even posted the video of the bombing in which he was wounded.

I have blogged on post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD ) and on the link to traumatic brain injury (TBI), the perceptions and the efforts to address the issues -- including the steps and missteps of the services and government and its agencies and efforts at redress.

Noah's medical discharge from the Army, together with the transfer and relocation of some of my Guys, end of service commitments, and the adventures and misadventures of others, meant my connection to the Guys' subsequent deployments and their lives in and out of the Army became tenuous and my blogging slowed. Eventually, I felt there was little of interest to blog about to which I felt a connection -- the connection that enabled me to write with conviction and vigor.

Added to the lack of material for which I felt a passion to write is the constant stream of requests from commercial enterprises to promote their products or web sites, from a million self-proclaimed "support the troops" or "veteran-friendly" organizations and enterprises, from the military services to participate in telephonic conferences or round table discussions of meaningless and uninteresting topics (pleas for topics more interesting than the new DoD energy policy falling to nearly-deaf ears...), the outright self-promotion of some bloggers and their patent dishonesty, made Some Soldier's Mom (the blog) seem more and more like unpaid work;  the serious affection I had (have) for telling the human side of service waned. I blogged less and less.

Grandbabies

Add to all of this the very fact that there is life "after". Life after children at war. Life after wounding. Life during and after recovery. Six years at our new home and in the community, we have many friends and we enjoy their company often. We are involved in volunteer work. We have hobbies -- sewing, poker, pottery, metal detecting, reading, spending time together... We are involved with family: our eldest continues his career with the Navy. Our daughter continues her medical residency. One son continues to search for meaningful employment in a horrible economy. We have three grandchildren and are looking forward to the arrival of another granddaughter this summer. We travel. We entertain old friends and family at our home (we had so many over the Easter weekend that we had to break out the sofa bed and inflatables!!)

My Men

Tom Terrific & his Dad

Noah -- the impetus for the blog -- has completed courses of study for two careers and is gainfully employed. He is a single Dad in a committed relationship. He is probably as "recovered" as he will ever be. His life "after" -- physically and emotionally -- is significantly and profoundly different than he or any of us could ever have remotely imagined. He is vigilant in his care and follow up, but his extremely busy life doesn't leave a lot of time to dwell on the life "before" and often allows little time even for medical appointments; his life now is full of NOW and today... not a lot of time to dwell on any day before the list of what must be done today  (except for sometimes in the dark hours of morning and on the anniversaries of the darkest days). Every day is a new day. Every day, that is a good thing. 

Opa & Tom replacing batteries in a toy

That is where we are. This is where I am. So although we have arrived at "where we are going" our journey through life continues. It just doesn't currently include much blogging. If something catches my eye or peaks my interest, I'll be here. My email is still active (and I regularly answer many mothers' pre-service and pre-deployment emails.)  My posts on having a child deployed, on pre-deployment items, care package and holiday package suggestions still are accessed/read often. I still hope that they are helpful to people facing or in the midst of deployment. I hope some day they will all be unnecessary and simply historical "footage" of a time of great (but necessary) madness in our world.

We still think of and pray for our Sheepdogs every day. And we pray for peace. Every single minute of every single day, we pray for victory and peace.

ARMY PATERNITY LEAVE

I know a bunch of "will-be-daddy" guys and some soon-to-be mommas who will welcome this news!!

Paternity Leave

What is it?

The Army's new paternity leave policy gives fathers additional time to be with their families when a new child is born. The policy, which was signed into law under President George W. Bush on Oct. 14, grants married Soldiers up to 10 consecutive days of non-chargeable administrative leave after the birth of a child. Paternity leave must be taken within 45 days of the child's birth; deployed Soldiers must take the leave within 60 days after returning from deployment. Leave not taken within the established time frame will be lost.

Single Soldiers who father a child out-of-wedlock are not eligible for paternity leave.

What has the Army done?

The Army recognizes the importance of families being together during significant events such as the birth of a child. It has developed a flexible paternity leave policy that allows male Soldiers to support their spouses during the joyous, but possibly stressful, time of adjustment following the arrival of a new family member. It also provides Soldiers returning from deployments uninterrupted time with their child to begin building bonds that will last a lifetime.

The policy allows Soldiers who have taken annual leave in connection with the birth of a child since October 2008 to request up to 10 days of leave be restored/re-credited to their leave account. Soldiers must provide documentation to support their claim (e.g., DA Form 31 or LES) and submit it through the unit S1 or Personnel Administrative Center.

My question is, "Does this apply to adoptions as well?? (It should!)

Every Soldier's Mom

The link to the blog of an Israeli soldier's mother from Brat reminded me that we parents of soldiers (and sailors, marines, air force, coast guard) share the universal love and admiration -- and WORRY -- we have for our children when they are deployed. It is a universal feeling among parents who value and cherish the lives of their children... in the parents who know the hope of the world is in the LIVES of their children and not in their deaths.

Yes, it is hard to be a soldier's mom while the world is at war. I have written any number of posts on that topic over the past few years... about the worry that pervades night and day... 24 hours a day, every day that they are in harm's way. How hard it is to be HERE when they are THERE... how hard it is to be a soldier's mom...

Thoughts of A Soldier's Mom in a Time of War
Hard to Be a Soldier's Mom
Every Parent's Nightmare

And, sadly, like many of us who blog about our soldiers, we are subjected to the most horrible comments from the ignorant, the vile and the despicable. This Israeli mother is no different. I left her a comment telling her that she is one of us -- the mothers of soldiers who serve even though we did not enlist. I reminded her that we mothers -- that we parents and the families of those who serve pray every day for peace... we pray for peace everywhere. So run on by A Soldier's Mom and offer her encouragement... give her a virtual {{{HUG}}} and let her know she is not alone.

x-posted at Parents Zone

Dear Governor Palin, Army Mom

The Governor of Alaska and (in case you didn't know) the Republican nominee for Vice President of the United States, put on another hat on Thursday... She was a mom saying goodbye to her son as he deployed to Iraq. Been there...

So, just in case Mom Palin stops by, I have some advice:

SO YOUR CHILD IS BEING DEPLOYED...

I have had a number of emails from parents asking for advice about their child being deployed and what can they expect? (and most of this goes for spouses, too!) If you have other things to share, feel free to put them in the comments!

Well, here’s what we learned and pass on to those of you with recently deployed or about-to-be deployed soldiers (marines, sailors, airmen):

Get paperwork. Get multiple copies of their power of attorney. Make sure it covers the types of transactions you’ve agreed to be responsible for – banking, insurance, property transactions. Get separate POAs that cover different situations if you need. Make sure you either have or know where all the rest of his/her papers are (car title? lease? Will?) Oh -- and a copy of their deployment orders... some vendors require these to discontinue service without a penalty (cell phone companies, for example) or to cancel a lease. Be sure to remove ALL of the social security numbers from the copy you send to anyone (I put a piece of paper over that column when I copied the orders.)

Take nothing for granted. So you think your child knows you love them? Tell them anyway and every chance you get. They’ll get miffed and frustrated at times telling you, “I know [Ma] [Dad]!” Ignore them. Tell them anyway. No one has ever said, “Gosh I think I told him/her how much I loved them too often.”

Deployment is one big roller coaster ride. Hang on – it’s going to be one hell of a ride! They’re leaving. They’re delayed. They’re leaving. They call. They don’t call. They’re in Kuwait. They’re leaving for the AO (area of operations). They arrived. They email. They get internet. You get a pc camera. The internet is down. The phones are down. Everything’s down. They’re going on a week’s mission. They’re back. They’re getting R&R. It’s not for 6 more months. UpDownUpDownUpDown. It's a long year.

If you don’t already have one, get a passport. We will all pray you will never need it except for vacations, but it can save you a day or two in travel time while someone tries to arrange this for you if you need it later. Be aware, that very few families have to travel outside the U.S. even when their child is injured. It is only the rarest of circumstances in which you might need to travel.

Communication is key to their mental survival. Send mail. Get their friends to send mail. Aunts, Uncles, cousins. Send postcards. Send cards. Send pictures. Send newspapers. Send their high school or college newspaper. Email. They might not respond as frequently as you write (or as often as you’d like) – but don’t let that stop you (after all, they are fighting a war). Your letters and cards take a measly first class cent stamp. Include pre-addressed post cards and envelopes to make it easier for them to write you (they do not need stamps -- they mail letters and cards for free). And remember, if there are breaks in communications (no email or IM suddenly) repeat after me:

No.News.Is.Good.News.'Cause.Bad.News.Travels.Fast.

And since you’re reading this, you have a computer, but if you don’t have it yet – get one or more instant messenger programs (download them free from AOL AIM, MSN, Yahoo...) and learn to use it! Your soldier will have access to computers and most have a number of instant messenger programs (a real-time conversation via typing.) It’s the way you and the soldier will most often communicate more than any other. You can program sounds to signal whenever he (or his buddies) are online. Even if you don’t want to jump up and have a conversation in the middle of the night (you say that now…), you will be able to determine that they were online while you were asleep or out and it will give you some peace of mind (really). And you can forward it to your cell phone or other wireless device (like a Blackberry). You never have to be out of touch with your soldier.

From Melinda and Stacy: absolutely invest in a WEBCAM for you and your soldier (they really aren't that expensive). Stacy says it's absolutely priceless to see your soldier's smiling face -- LIVE! and Melinda also says that's a must (and these are two women I would absolutely believe!) Melinda further says "a mini-tape recorder with the micro cassettes are small & easy to pack as well as durable" because there is nothing like a soldier hearing voices from home and for those at home to hear their daddy's (or son's or hubby's) voice... and she says making movies of the family and sending are fun for all the soldiers and not just your soldier.

Send STUFF. Send packages. Send their favorite food. Send books, comic books, magazines, DVDs, music, games, and their favorite things. Ask what they need, but even when they say they don’t need anything, send something. Send happy stuff -- you know whatever makes them laugh or feel good. [We recorded our son's favorite television shows (with commercials -- they love the commercials!) and those DVDs got passed around to everyone -- it was a part of home.] Be sure to learn the mailing rules – no porn, no pork, no alcohol. Don’t worry about sending too much – unfortunately, they have brother soldiers who rarely get any mail and your soldier will share. Go to your Post Office and ask for FLAT RATE BOXES and CUSTOMS FORMS. Get to know your postal clerks -- they are on their third or fourth deployments and they are a wealth of information!

NOTE: If you order things to be sent to your soldier, DO NOT HAVE THEM SENT DIRECTLY TO THE SOLDIER. You will have no way of knowing whether they were ever sent or received (happened a few times). After the first few months, we learned to have things (gloves, goggles, clothing) shipped to us and then we re-packaged it in flat rate boxes to him. And it's my understanding that you CAN get tracking receipts to most of the postal facilities in the "093" zip codes.

Support their efforts. No matter what you read elsewhere or what your feelings about the war are, support their efforts. It isn’t about you. They need to hear that you appreciate their sacrifice and efforts. If you can’t say something nice, say nothing. BE PROUD of your son/daughter. Be VERY proud ‘cause damn they’re good!

If they're not telling, Don’t ask. There are some things your soldier can’t talk about. There are things your soldier doesn’t want to talk about. Don’t push it. When they want to talk, they will. If he’s in the listening mood, you talk. If he’s in the talking mood, listen. Try not to add to their stress. Don’t argue with them. Let them blow off steam – they aren’t angry at you most of the time. If a conversation seems to upset them – get off the subject, change it or agree with them. They have plenty else on their minds and they shouldn’t have to worry about you. You can smack them up side the head for being disrespectful when they get home.

Educate yourself. Don’t believe everything the mainstream media tells you. In addition to reading the news sites and these milblogs, look for specific information from the Army (or Marines or Navy). Most units have an official website while soldiers are deployed with mailing addresses, contact information for the Rear Detachment, the FRG (Family Readiness Group), etc. The sites also usually include newsletters from the unit commanders in the field and the Brigade and Battalion through the course of the deployment. The letters won’t give you detailed information on operations, but they make you feel connected to your soldier and they will tell you generally about their camp (or Forward Operating Base (FOB)) and what they are doing promotions, births, etc. And they usually have some pictures! It will do you a world of good. Really.

Join support groups. Get on the FRG email list. If you are local to your soldier’s duty station, involve yourself with the FRG. [Look at sites like www.parentszone.org, www.SpouseBuzz.com, www.military.com, etc.] There are also private support group websites started and maintained by family members during the deployment. Find them – they are a wealth of information and rumor/myth busting and a hand to hold and shoulder to cry on when you’re down. Keep yourself busy with other things. That will be hard as keeping track of your soldier and trying to communicate with your soldier will consume a lot of your non-working (and in some cases working) time. You will think about them night and day. All perfectly normal, but they want you to have a life. As Noah said, “That’s why we’re here – so you can live normally there.” So do it.

Stacy also reminds us to do a scrapbook... The Society for the 3rd ID had commemorative "Back to Iraq 2005" t-shirts that they sold... and bumper stickers, pins, etc. so I ordered some of those and put them away for him. I have also printed and saved news articles, my blog entries, the battalion and unit newsletters and put them all in 3-ring binders (there are Volumes I, II and III). They may not appreciate it now, but they will (a) when they have children, and/or (b) they write their memoirs (wink). They will have tangible reminders that they made history...

HERE’S A FEW REQUESTS FOR CO’s AND NCO’s

Try to insist that your soldiers give someone’s name to the FRG so that they have someone getting the emails.

Put out a newsletter (not just occasionally). Yes, we know you’re running a war over there – but these newsletters are a precious link to our soldier and we count on that information. We LIVE for any information about their situation we can get our hands on (and it goes a long way to stopping the rumor mill back home.)

Please show parents the same respect and involvement that you show to spouses. Be sure your FRG includes parents and girlfriends and be sure your single soldiers know they can be included!

HERE’S SOME ADVICE FOR SOLDIERS:

Call, write or email often -- but at least every once in a while. Yes, dammmit, we know you’re busy and Yes, dammmmit, we know you’re tired. But we are sitting back here worrying night and day. No, you telling us a thousand times, “Don’t worry” will not make us not worry. Believe it or not, not only do we worry about you, but we are actually interested in how you are and what you’re doing, what you need... We’re not asking for a body count, but we would like to know what you’re experiencing. A simple, “Hi all! We’re doing fine. We’re safe and thinking of you. Going to get some sleep now. Love you all… [insert name here} will do.

Get used to the fact that we (your parents) will cry. We will cry when you leave. Cry when you come home on R&R. Cry when you leave after R&R. And we’ll cry when you get home. Get used to it. It just is. It's liquid love and it runs from our hearts to our eyes...

Be sure to check out the comments to the original post - there are a lot of experienced voices talking there!

Copyright Some Soldier's Mom 2005 and 2008. All rights reserved.

Family, Army & the Single (Unmarried) Soldier

The Army is celebrating the 25th Anniversary of the creation of the Army Family Action Plan. The Army Family Action Plan was created in response to quality of life issues Army families were experiencing in the all volunteer Army -- with a realization that a Soldier’s family plays a key role in career decision making, Soldier readiness and retention.

It's always been a bit of a burr under my saddle -- and also of other military parents -- that military-sponsored support activities for families of soldiers is focused almost without exception on soldiers' spouses, so I agreed to participate in a Bloggers' Roundtable discussion earlier today to see what the Army was doing for the other half of the Army, i.e., the almost 50% of soldiers who are single. It's a favorite saying of mine: Not every soldier has a spouse, but every soldier has a mother. One of the reasons I named my blog: when I complained to a Sgt. in my son's unit that the deployment (sendoff) ceremony (which I discovered in a newspaper article just days before) hadn't been communicated very effectively, he said something along the lines that the effort wasn't warranted because I was JUST "some soldier's mom" and my attendance wasn't core to the mission. (I believe I responded with some humor I didn't really feel -- knowing he would make my son's life hell otherwise, "Gosh, does your mother know she's that unimportant?) but I digress... (And let's keep in mind here that the next Vice President of the United States could very well be some other soldier's mom!) Don't get me wrong -- I do so love the milspouses (being the wife a retired career mil-guy) -- but resent how parents are (for the most part) completely ignored by the services (otherwise, how do you explain the proliferation of all the private parent (read: Mom) forums here here here here here here here here. And, of course, right here where you're reading.

I listened while Secretary of the Army Pete Geren and the Director of Family Programs for the Family Morale, Welfare and Recreation (MWR) Command and the spouses of a Major General, a Command Sgt Major, a First Sgt. and of an Army Deputy Chief of Staff); each gave a brief personal biography of their experiences with AFAP -- principally with Family Readiness Groups (FRGs).

My experience and exposure as an Army mom? Noah did put in my name for his unit's FRG when he deployed in 2005, but I had to make repeated attempts to receive any type of confirmation that they knew I was here. Over the course of the 12 months his unit was deployed, I believe I had exactly 3 emails from the FRG: "Welcome to the FRG", "Here's a Change of Address" when the units re-aligned mid-tour, and "Here is the link to track homecoming flights". After I saw references to a number of FRG meetings for Noah's FRG on a private forum, I emailed the FRG Leader and asked if she could forward after action notes to the spouses and parents who did not live close to the base and couldn't attend those meetings. She responded a few WEEKS later that it was an excellent suggestion and she would. Never happened.

And while I was happy to hear that these spouses in the roundtable had wonderfully positive experiences with their FRGs, I can't say that the opinion is shared by other members on any of the message boards and forums to which I subscribe or read. I know that there must be decent and engaging FRGs out there -- and, because they are principally the ONLY source of official information for spouses when their spouses are deployed they enjoy a high level of participation at military installations.

Now in defense of FRGs: FRGs are principally staffed and managed entirely by VOLUNTEERS whose spouses are now deployed -- suddenly single parents with jobs, children and households to manage. I think this may improve since one of the most recent improvements involve paid FRG assistants. Additionally, the Army has a FRG "portal" called the vFRG (virtual FRG) that allows soldiers and family members to register for a unit's FRG (note: you will need the last four of the soldier/sponsor's social security number to register.) GO HERE for info and to register. (Army Families Online might also be useful.)

The first question at today's roundtable was regarding serving the needs of those with Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI) and Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) who lived remotely from military installations. Mrs. Pillsbury noted that they are making efforts to reach out to those and noted the formation of Still Serving Soldiers which is dedicated to assisting soldiers with disabilities 30% or greater (I was unclear whether this was the VA rating or the Army rating and didn't have a chance to ask for clarification... but did want to ask whether they knew that less than 10% of soldiers received a disability rating that high from the Army?)

In response to whether the military is prepared for the number of wounded still to come, Sec. Geren noted that the Army and the Veterans Administration have made great strides in this area (I concur that they have made progress) but, he said, it is clear that serving the population of those with TBI and/or PTSD will mean reliance on grass roots organizations. He noted the advent of the Army's Chain Teaching program, Military One Source, the new medical care & records tracking system, Army's Wounded Warrior (AW2) Program, Army Community-Based Health Care Initiative, and Warrior Transition Units.

Mrs. Pillsbury noted that service members with PTSD or other problems can receive six face-to-face counseling sessions FREE and without any entry on official military records. GO HERE for additional information.

I closed out the question and answer portion of the program asking that the Army address communications with the families of single soldiers because in my experience -- and based on communications via email and comments to my blog -- it was an unmet need. I noted that it was the parents and other family members of the single soldiers who are NOT getting the information in how to identify the symptoms of TBI and PTSD nor do they have access to or information on the resources available to these soldiers and how to access them on the soldier's behalf... that these soldiers come home to these families and into these communities and we're just expected to "deal" with it.

I acknowledged Secretary Geren's concern for the difficulty involved in facilitating the contact given the number of single soldiers from broken homes (as if divorced, widowed or single parents cared less than spouses... I know that was not his intent by any means -- he was most knowledgeable and sincere, but it crossed my mind), but told him that we could make that easier on him because I would bet that at least 1/2 those soldiers DO have parents who wish to be involved (if not informed)... and reminded him that, in any event, every unmarried soldier was required to name a Next of Kin (NOK) -- whether that was a parent, a brother or sister, aunt or uncle -- and perhaps the contact could start there??

I also asked if someone could tell me what the participation level in the Army's Better Opportunities for Single Soldiers (BOSS) was? and the answer was "very good" and that soldiers love the opportunity to help." Unfortunately, there wasn't enough time to explore this further during the roundtable. However, in advance of the roundtable, I spoke with Noah and a few other soldiers and asked about BOSS. They said, "BOSS?? Never heard of it." I described what I was referring to and each said, "Oh, MWR?" I said, well, yes... but specifically for unmarried soldiers. Nope. They did say that they occasionally heard about trips but that the good ones were too expensive, they usually heard about them too late or after the fact, but mostly they said they [the activities] were "lame". I asked how they heard about MWR events and they said mostly word of mouth... but they never saw posters or advertisements except every once in a while.

I did look on the BOSS site and noted at one Army base the lists of upcoming activites were not segregated by "family" and "single". Of the 10 newest releases, one is for the Ultimate Fighting Championship (Sep.) at the base Brew Pub ("Why would I want to go there, Ma?? Most of us are underage and at least we can get beers in the barracks."), one for the BOSS Blue Jeans Banquet honoring volunteers (Oct.) and one is a trip to an Aquarium in the closest large city 2 hours away (Sep). ("You're sh*tng me, right Ma? Sorry Ma. [for the language]. The other listings are for Bingo, re-registration at the base golf course, Treat the Family to Brunch, a Community Campout (even I know that's the last thing soldiers just back from the field training are interested in.) I note in the older news that there is also a concert by a 1970's band (mmm... one of MY favorite bands) at the baseball field.

Who the heck is suggesting these activities for 18, 19, 20 year old soldiers? (You only need to visit the barracks at some of these installations on Friday or Saturday nights to know what these guy do when there is nothing else to do.) And, yes, I have been... a number of times. It aint pretty... normal... but not pretty. I did cruise around a few of the other MWR calendars at a few other bases -- some had Texas Hold 'Em Tournaments, a Wii Tournament, a rodeo, a talent search... (Texas Hold'em was the only one that got an "eh... ok.") There is a wide range of style to the various base calendars... none seemed to have a specific site for BOSS activities nor did any calendars list BOSS events separately. Teenagers are lazy... if you make young soldiers go LOOKING for stuff, they won't.

My soldiers tell me these are the things they'd do if organized: Skydiving (1/2 of 'em are already airborne trained), snowmobiling, quad'ing & offroading (have you seen the videos on these guys driving Humvees and Bradleys in Iraq??), hunting trips (heck, they already know how to shoot!), NASCAR, stock car, motorcycle or motocross racing (as participants or spectators, as appropriate)... basically, anything involving adrenaline. (I know. (sigh). I'm a mom. I have 3 sons. What can I say?)

I know this post may sound terribly critical, but I really did (do) appreciate the opportunity to address these topics with Secretary Geren and others who take the issues seriously because we share the aim to in some way make it better.

I'll put up a link to the full transcript when it's available. Here's the audio.

x-posted at ParentsZone

[Military] Parents Zone

At the first Milblog Conference a few years ago, it was suggested that a website for the parents of military members be started... it was also a topic at last year's Milblog Conference and the BlogWorld Expo. Well, it's finally getting off the ground! The site is called PARENTS ZONE. I have agreed to be a contributor... along with a number of other MilParents. So stop on by and say hello... pass the info on to your friends, and check in often!

I have my "inaugural" post up... So Your Child is Being Deployed.

We're also interested in suggestions from other parents: what would you like to know? What would you like researched? What information do you need? What do readers want the page to be?? Send your suggestions -- or if you're interested in writing for Parents Zone -- to Liberal Army Wife at parentszone@gmail.com.