color: SOME SOLDIER'S MOM: Hard to Be a Soldier's Mom

Thursday, August 11, 2005

Hard to Be a Soldier's Mom

As I flew home yesterday from Colorado, I found myself thinking about my Guys... Hadn't yet heard from any of them since late last week, so I was approaching the border between worry and WORRY (which is right before really worried and then there's the REALLY worried). I know the area where our Guys are is really busy right now -- it's all over what little news there is on MSM television. But I had my "Damn Proud Soldier's Mom" t-shirt on (the TSA guys don't hassle me at all when I wear it) and a much older man sitting across the aisle from me asked where my son was stationed and when I told him where his base is in Iraq, he said, "It must really be hard to be a Soldier's Mom right now."
Which got me to thinking that, yes, it is. I hate this. I hate the worry. I hate thinking about the war, my son, our Guys, the other moms, the dads, the brothers and how we worry. The constant friction at news reports that are clearly biased and anti-war/anti-military (are any MSM news reports pro- ANYTHING?) that set my mind on the dark path.
I hate not hearing from them. I hate wondering every time I hear that a soldier has been killed whether it's my son or one of my Guys. I hate wondering whether they're getting our packages and the mail we send. I hate wondering if they have what they need. I hate worrying whether my son is hungry because another supply convoy didn't try the road today 'cause there were too many IEDs. I hate wondering whether they got the air conditioning back up. I hate wondering whether he got the fan we sent and whether it's doing any good...
It's a constant 24 hour a day worry that wears on you, grates on you, weighs on you. It's physically and mentally exhausting. I don't always realize it but sometimes I wonder why I'm so tired some nights or why I can't sleep most nights... It's the worry. The wear and tear of it. It's like the drone of a motor always on or the hum from fluorescent lights... always there... always present... even when you're doing other things or thinking other thoughts... it's THERE. The worry is always there. I know other moms and dads and wives and husbands and sisters and brothers will understand what I mean. It really is very hard to be a Soldier's Mom. At least today.
I did hear from one of my Guys this morning (thank you, Lord)... he was thanking me and thanking me for the packages... Says me and my friends (you know who you are!!) take better care of them than the Army... I tell him it's 'cause the Army's not their Mom! V. says they can't thank me enough for all I do for them and I tell him that's a rare one -- I can't possibly thank THEM enough for what they're doing for me...
When I ask, yes, they need more laundry detergent [done]... and plastic forks and spoons and dishes to heat and eat some of the food... He hasn't seen our son this week (they are in different platoons) but he knows he's ok 'cause (as we all know) bad news travels fast and they haven't had any bad news today. He last saw him Sunday for a "smoke & joke" outside the "hole-y mess" (the dining facility with the two mortar holes in the roof and one in the side... at least they still have their sense of humor!), but son's platoon has been out most of the week. V. says, "He's out gunning more often now in the new platoon." To which I reply, "Yeah, I know (sigh)... How lucky can I get? LOL." He tells me son's in a good platoon and he's as safe as he can be... Why is that so little comfort? Just glad we had some contact (better than nothin' as they say) but it was a really brief IM chat and most of my questions went unasked because the dreaded "sry mom igtg" (sorry mom I gotta go) came up with just enough time to type "stay safe. love ya. mmwwahs" before the xxx signed off at 10:50:43 AM appears...
I have stopped counting the days our son and the Guys have been gone and the days until some real or imagined redeployment date... I have come to live in the day. If we get through today, it's a good day. Tomorrow will be here soon enough. Maybe tomorrow it will easier to be a Soldier's Mom. Lord, I hope so.
Copyright 2005. All rights reserved.
A Thanks to The Mudville Gazette... Welcome TMG readers!

18 Comments:

At 8/11/2005 6:59 PM , Blogger StoicMom said...

So do not worry about tomorrow; tomorrow will take care of itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

Matthew 6:34

 
At 8/11/2005 7:01 PM , Blogger debey said...

EVERY PARENT OF EVERY KID IN IRAQ KNOWS EXACTY WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT! THANK YOU FOR PUTTING IT INTO WORDS FOR US!

 
At 8/11/2005 7:17 PM , Anonymous Lori Johnson said...

I love reading your blogs, cuz even though I am not the mom of a soldier, I am the aunt of one, and I totally feel your worry. Every minute of every day. I feel it. Soon they will all be home safe and sound!!

 
At 8/11/2005 8:21 PM , Blogger Stacy said...

You have said everything all of us moms have tried to say/write. We all hate the worry, the waiting, the pacing the floors, and the wondering whether they are ok, safe or alive.

The hardest part of the day for me is when I go to lay my so tired and worried head down on my pillow at night to sleep, then to find that I can't sleep. Most night's I just toss and turn for the first couple of hours.

Thanks Some Soldier's Mom for such a wonderful post. Sure hope you hear from you soldier real soon.

 
At 8/11/2005 9:29 PM , Anonymous 1-5Mom said...

Darling, I am with you.

 
At 8/11/2005 9:31 PM , Anonymous 1-5Mom said...

Darling, I am with you.

 
At 8/11/2005 10:04 PM , Blogger Jen said...

I'm the girlfriend of a gunner in a convoy...I could completely relate to the "constant worry" part of your post, where you say that no matter what else you're doing, the worry is just ALWAYS there.

I pray for him, your son, and everyone who is over there.

 
At 8/12/2005 5:29 AM , Blogger Call Me Grandma said...

Only you mom, know how to say it for us all. I do relate to that. I can't wait until this journey of 'worry' is over. I hope to never go there again. But, I guess it goes with being a mom. This war worry is beyond normal 'worry' , though.
Excellent post.

 
At 8/12/2005 5:56 AM , Blogger Shelley said...

Thank you Soldier's Mom for expressing how so many of us feel and how our lives have been changed.

Our soldier is a gunner too. Each morning here starts out with reading the latest activity in Iraq, ied explosions, bombs, soldier's wounded or worse, and we wait for those blessed days when he pops into our buddy window.

This is the worst burden we have ever had to carry. There are some days when I feel like I am just going through the motions and holding my breath. There are some days when I cry from the sheer exhaustion of it all.

May God speed our soldiers and keep them safe.

 
At 8/12/2005 7:36 AM , Blogger mommyov5 said...

I just came across your blog today. It brought tears to my eyes reading it.
I have friends whose husbands are deployed. I dont know how you all do it!
Best wishes to you and your family :-)

 
At 8/12/2005 9:25 AM , Blogger Melinda said...

{{Hugs}}, Mom.

Beautifully written, as always.

I think being a parent of a child who feels the call to serve would have been a hard row to hoe even before they put on a uniform.

Someone who feels a sense of duty and honor in being the first to respond to any distress call means that there might have been hurt feelings, broken hearts, bruises and a few broken bones along the way.

Thank God there are men & women willing to be those types of adults and there are mothers & fathers willing to support them in their tasks.

God bless ya, Mom!

 
At 8/12/2005 10:21 PM , Anonymous Andi said...

Mom - I echo all the sentiments of the commentors. As usual, an eloquent post. I hope each day becomes easier for you. Your son is one lucky guy. Hang in there. God Bless You.

 
At 8/13/2005 12:26 PM , Blogger Sean from DocintheBox said...

Hang in there and hold them in your heart, they'll come back to you.

 
At 8/14/2005 7:33 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Ditto on the anxiety. I'm a Marine recruit Dad. I wish I could say that my son's time at MCRD_SD was only a bad summer camp experience, but I am constantly looking 6 months down the road.

May God help us all - - especially our sons!

Bob Perrow

 
At 8/15/2005 2:34 PM , Blogger KempoDude said...

The worry is something that cannot go away. At times its nearly impossible to not "think the worst". It's like living with my second-worst-fear every day of my life until she returns. Thanks for the perspective!

 
At 8/16/2005 10:20 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dear Soldiers Mom,
I just came upon your blog,My heartfelt thoughts and prayers are with you,your family your beloved son and all of our Brave Heros daily.Thank you for sharing a Mothers thoughts with all of us.
Sincerely
Cathy
proud Soldiers Angel

 
At 8/20/2005 8:23 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Thank you for putting into words what it feels like to be a soldiers mom. I too am a soldiers mom. My son has been in Afghanistan since Jan. 2005 It's good to know that others feel like I have been feeling.

 
At 3/12/2006 5:39 PM , Anonymous Barbara said...

Thank you in behalf of all of us moms that worry about our children over there. I have 3 sons and one soon to be daughter in law over there. God Bless You and Yours!!!

 

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